I’ve told you many times before that Matt is hands-off in our house. And I’m not just talking about the fact that he has MS and can’t physically help me with any projects. I’m also talking about the fact that he almost never has any say in the house. Ever since we built our first house in Albany, Oregon, twenty-one years ago, his attitude has been that the house is mine and I can do with it whatever I want. And the longer we were married and the more I proved my worth (like, that I wasn’t going to randomly remove a load-bearing wall and destroy the house or anything), the more he’s become disengaged.
But even though I know that about him, I still didn’t realize the extent to which he would let me do whatever I wanted until a couple of days ago. I was talking to him about all the different possibilities for our house that I’ve talked about here on the blog. One of those possibilities was turning the current pantry into a workout area, or turning it into an area for him to use however he wants (but he’d have to accommodate his Theracycle).
So I was showing him the floor plan and I was showing him how the entry door to that room will no longer be through the dining/living room, but will eventually be through the kitchen. It’s the empty room shown below.
So I showed him this and explained that he could do whatever he wanted with that area. His Theracycle could go in there and we could put a TV in it. And he looked at me and said, “Yeah, but I won’t be able to go into that room.”
She was very confused. I mean, the room isn’t huge. Once the kitchen is built, it will be 7′ x 11′. It’s a small area, but there’s plenty of room for her Theracycle and whatever else she wants in there. So I tried to explain that to her. I also explained to her that we can make the door 36″ wide, which she can walk through very easily.
He said, “Yes, but it will be through the kitchen, so I won’t be able to get there.”
I was even more confused. How could we possibly have misunderstood each other? Were we looking at the same floor plan? What was he seeing in that plan that I wasn’t? I kept looking at it and studying it and trying to figure out what it was that he was seeing that was preventing him from entering that room. I couldn’t see any obstacles. Why didn’t he understand what I was trying to explain to him? And why on earth did he think he couldn’t access that room?
So I asked him to help me understand why I wouldn’t be able to access this room, and he replied, “Because of the slab foundation. The new kitchen will have a slab foundation, right? That means there will be a step down to the kitchen, so I won’t be able to get in there.”
Oh my goodness! All this time that we have been talking about and planning our new kitchen, Matt has been thinking that having a slab foundation (which is what two different contractors have suggested) means that it will have to be at grade level, meaning it will be lower than the rest of the post and beam house. He couldn’t believe it! I explained to him that under no circumstances would our new kitchen be inaccessible to him. Even if it is a slab, it will be high enough so that the floor will be continuous from the current house to the new kitchen.
I said, “Are you telling me that all this time we’ve been talking about a new kitchen addition, you thought I was going to build a kitchen that you couldn’t get into? That’s what you thought.” And you weren’t going to tell me anything about that.?!”
He just looked at me, smiled, shrugged, and said, “No.”
Oh my god, that sweet, dear man literally let me do whatever I wanted in this house. Getting his opinion is like pulling teeth. And even when he thinks I’m going to do something that would be really uncomfortable for him, he has no problem with it. I mean, I knew he’d always wanted me to be able to do whatever I wanted with our house, and as long as I was happy with it, he would be too. I just never realized until that moment how much he was willing to let me do whatever I wanted.
I feel so grateful to be married to someone who allows me to do pretty much whatever I want in our house and decorate however I want (and redecorate, redecorate, redecorate as many times as I want). Over the years, I’ve heard from many women in the comments sections of my posts whose husbands are very involved in making decisions about the house and decorating, and I’ve heard from other women whose husbands won’t let them change a single thing in the house.
I admit that I am lucky to have a husband who lets me do what I want and I try not to take advantage of that. But rest assured, I always try to keep in mind how my decisions will affect Matt. The last thing I want to do is make his life more uncomfortable than it already is. And no, there will not be a step down to access our new kitchen.
Addicted 2 Decorating is a place where I share my DIY and decorating experience while remodeling and decorating the 1948 home my husband Matt and I purchased in 2013. Matt has multiple sclerosis and is unable to do physical labor, so I do most of the work around the house alone. You can learn more about me here.
