Whether or not you actually are, this people-pleasing quiz will give you questions to reflect on how you can begin a healthier journey of personal growth without needing to use people-pleasing behaviors.
We were raised to put our parents’ needs and desires first, but not in the usual way. Our families suffered from personality disorders and entanglements, so our independence was limited, if it existed at all.
We learned to please others as a way to cope and survive. However, your story about pleasing others may be different than ours. This mechanism occurs for a number of reasons.
Personal needs and authenticity often take a backseat when a person seeks approval (Psychology Today). This validation-seeking behavior significantly impacts mental well-being and can erode the quality of relationships.
Addressing this tendency will ensure personal growth and healthier relationships. Mastering assertiveness and setting personal boundaries can lead to self-discovery, self-respect, and empowerment. First, take the test to see if you are a people pleaser.
The following test consists of 24 questions. Let’s get started!
If the results of your people-pleasing test indicate that you are likely one of them, then you may want to understand how this happened and try the following methods to reduce people-pleasing behaviors.
Reasons why people like you
- Child Conditioning: If you grew up with parents who had very high expectations or were overly critical, you may have coped by pleasing others to avoid criticism or gain approval. In some situations, you may have had to take on the role of peacemaker in homes with conflict or emotional instability.
- Personality traits: Highly empathetic people may be more likely to please others because they are in tune with others’ feelings and discomfort. People with low self-esteem may also seek external approval to feel valued and accepted.
- Social and cultural influences: People-pleasing behaviors may arise from cultures that strongly emphasize community and social harmony. Social norms have traditionally influenced women to be more accommodating and protective, which may lead them to be more people-pleasing.
- Fear of rejection or conflict: Fear of conflict can cause people to go to great lengths to avoid it, even if it means compromising their own needs and desires. Another fear, rejection, can lead people to use these types of behaviors to gain acceptance and belonging.
- Past trauma: Unfortunately, abusive or controlling relationships can cause a coping mechanism to develop that prevents further harm. People may have a strong desire to keep the peace through hypervigilance to avoid triggering negative situations.
- Perfectionism: To maintain their self-image and avoid criticism, perfectionists may try to please others. They will also avoid failure or mistakes by doing their best to meet others’ expectations.
- Psychological factors: Managing anxiety by controlling others’ perceptions may contribute to people-pleasing behavior. People-pleasing to maintain relationships and feel secure may occur due to insecure attachment developed during childhood.
10 Ways to Break Free from Approval-Seeking Behavior
- Self-reflection: Identify and acknowledge approval-seeking behavior. Journaling can help with reflection.
- Develop self-awareness: Recognize triggers and understand your own needs independent of those of others.
- Developing self-compassion: Remember your inherent worth.
- Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no and communicate assertively using “I” statements. Identify what is acceptable and what is not.
- Challenge negative thoughts: Replace them with positive, realistic thoughts, and keep asking yourself if the negative thoughts are really true.
- Developing self-esteem: Focus on your strengths and do things that make you feel good about yourself.
- Developing independence: Make decisions alone and try to enjoy activities by yourself.
- Seek professional help: Therapy or support groups can provide personalized guidance and shared experiences.
- Practice mindfulness: These techniques will help with self-acceptance.
- Gradual exposure: Take small steps to confront your fears in approval-seeking situations and evaluate your progress regularly.
Adopt affirmations to combat the desire to please others
Positive affirmations can bring a renewed sense of assertiveness and self-respect. Crafting and repeating affirmations can transform a mindset of external validation into empowerment and independence.
When creating affirmations, focus on where you crave approval or fear rejection. Focus on yourself rather than reflecting the expectations of others. Affirming your own worth and capabilities can challenge and, over time, replace the negative self-beliefs that underlie people-pleasing behaviors. Here are some examples:
- My self-esteem does not depend on the approval of others. I want to seek happiness from within rather than from external sources.
- Setting boundaries protects my mental health. I can maintain personal space and foster healthy relationships.
- Assertiveness is my right. I can have open communication.
- I embrace my genuine self, free from the opinions of others. I free myself from conformity and let my authentic self shine.
- Facing fears is the gateway to personal power. Facing them strengthens my resilience and self-confidence.
- Procrastination won’t stop me. Overcoming it paves the way to achievement and progress.
- Every experience offers a lesson for growth.
- Resentment is replaced by understanding and forgiveness.
Embracing Your Genuine Self
Shed the layers of complacency, face your fears, and set boundaries. The rewards are substantial. Life aligns with true desires rather than the expectations of others, and your power is amplified. Imagine that your needs, opinions, and desires are valid and non-negotiable. Playing it safe will give way to a courageous pursuit of personal growth, where every experience contributes to a more prosperous and fulfilled existence.
Did you take the people pleasing test?
Leave us a comment below. You might be interested in our article on being “too much” or why people are rude to nice people.
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