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Most days, being a parent can feel like the most thankless job in the world. You work tirelessly and put your heart and soul into giving your children everything, but it’s rare that you get a “thank you,” let alone sincere acknowledgement of all you’ve done for them. Sure, it would be nice to hear “thank you” from time to time, but does it really matter to feel gratitude from those you love?
Previous research Hearing a “thank you” or any expression of gratitude has been found to be important for the quality of the relationship between romantic couples, but what about the relationship between parent and child or the quality of the relationship between two couples who are also parents? study recently published in Journal of Positive Psychology She addressed this question by examining whether hearing “thank you” was related to any positive outcomes, such as better relationships, less parenting stress, or better psychological well-being.
Study details
This study involved 593 parents of children between the ages of 4 and 17. All of the parents who participated in this study were married or in a romantic relationship. The parents filled out a questionnaire about whether their family members expressed gratitude to them—that is, the extent to which their partner or their children expressed appreciation and recognition for the work they did for the family. The researchers also asked about their relationships with their partner, their level of parenting stress, and whether they had any symptoms of psychological distress (translation: feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed). The researchers divided the children into a younger group (ages 4 to 12) and an older group (ages 13 to 17) to examine whether the age of the children had any impact.
Main findings
The researchers found the following:
- Gratitude in children (both older and younger) is linked to lower parenting stressThis seems to be particularly true of older children’s gratitude.
- Gratitude from romantic partners and adult children is linked to lower levels of psychological distress. This means that gratitude from family members is linked to a lower likelihood of feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed.
- Gratitude from a romantic partner or spouse is linked to better relationship quality, but not to lower parenting stressThis supports Previous research and extends it to relationships in the context of parenting.
- Mothers feel less valued than fathersMothers reported lower levels of gratitude from their partners and older children.
- Gratitude may be more important for mothers than for fathers. Gratitude appeared to have a greater positive impact for mothers than for fathers.
General translation
The takeaway from this is that it does matter whether or not you, as a parent, hear the word “thank you.” Feeling that your children and your partner are grateful for all the work you do is linked to better relationship quality, lower parenting stress, and a lower risk of psychological distress. There appear to be unique benefits to feeling gratitude from your partner than from your children, so it may be important to receive gratitude from both. As for gratitude from your children, it appears to be more meaningful when it comes from older, teenage children. This may be because older children can express gratitude more sincerely and specifically than younger children. Finally, gratitude may be harder to come by and more meaningful to mothers than to fathers. Investigation finds that mothers take on about twice as much housework as fathers on average, so it makes sense that they expect more gratitude and appreciate it more when they receive it.
