How not to be a supermodel

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for*: my first book, How not to be a supermodelIt’s available for pre-order! Here!

A real book that you can hold in your hands. Or, if you prefer my dulcet tones, hear with your ears. You’ve loved my revealing life updates over the years, and you’ve diligently read my ridiculous tales of woe (remember when I almost accidentally penetrated myself with a bathtub faucet?) – now it’s time to let me take you back to 2001, when I was a mere little thing who dropped out of my law degree to become an instantly rich and famous supermodel.

You could call How not to be a supermodel an autobiography, because I wrote it about myself and my memories and the experiences I had as a model in the 2000s, but my God That makes it sound very serious. “Memoirs” makes it sound as if I wrote my book in the 19th century. In the living room, while my mother did her embroidery and Eliza practiced the piano.

And let me ask you this: do you think an autobiography would include a story about an accidental five-day luxury getaway with a man you didn’t know? Would an autobiography normally have a chapter titled Body like a turgid penisOr, wait a second while I check my notes… I’m drunk and I’m not wearing panties? No, I wouldn’t.

So yes, I wrote it about me, and yes, it’s set in the past, but don’t make the mistake of thinking this book involved painful introspection. Make no mistake. I didn’t write it while periodically sobbing into a starched linen handkerchief, dabbing my eyes when I got to the unbearable parts: It’s a riotous ride through a decade of improbable scenarios and shocking events that life as a non-supermodel threw up, and it’s chaotic and clumsy and funny and frequently ridiculous.

Book How not to be a supermodel

Okay, there are touching moments. Of course there are. In fact, when I was given the contract to publish the book, I was specifically told that I had to include the parts that would get people talking (as if the fact that I was accidentally involved in an impromptu sex show or almost fell into shark-infested waters wasn’t enough of a talking point). So yes, I’ve included the difficult parts, as well as all the parts that will potentially make you spit out your coffee and embarrass yourself on public transport.

But above all, it’s a hilarious and highly accurate account of all the ways I failed to become a supermodel: my apparent physical flaws, my personality flaws, and my uncanny ability to bring chaos and disaster to almost any situation.

You can place an order in advance How not to be a supermodel Now, the release date is August 29th. It has already been announced as THE ONLY BOOK YOU NEED TO READ THIS YEAR!***and I think it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll love it. Pre-orders really do matter, apparently, so if you only click on one link I post, let it be this one. I’ll be forever in your debt.

Reserve your copy of How not to be a supermodel here

I’ll be back with more posts about the book and the writing process because it’s honestly been the best and most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done in my adult life. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that writing was what I started doing at the end of my modeling career; blogging was a very happy accident that took off into something great and I have a brilliant and rewarding social media career because of it, but I’ve been looking for a book deal for a long time****. For me, it’s a “full circle” moment.